Korea, fighting!

"Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances." - Grand Moff Tarkin, Star Wars

I think I left off a few posts back promising to write about the Campaign to keep me in Korea. I've tried to write about it but it's too hard. Too hard to make it punchy and to-the-point. To tell the truth, it was rather like a looonnnnngg drawn out wrestling match that I was only half-fighting anyway. Lots of bluster and yelling and fake pile-drivers. Except it was all done with chopsticks and it wasn't even sexy since I just wear sweatpants most of the time. Sorry.

As you may have figured though - the pressure worked, and so I'm staying. I'm sure the owners of Gmarket, 10x10, and Homever tofu will be delighted. On my part, I feel optimistic enough about my decision. I'll be here, but things will be a bit different. I'll be living a different city and working at a different university. Still a secret location, I'm afraid, but I can tell you that the city sounds sorta like Soul and the university also contains that word. Right. So that's where I'll be. Same me - different job and new digs. Just ... more soul, I guess. Heh.


The world's greatest fusion project will coming with me, of course, but things remain amiable between me and the illustrious Mister Lee. We will see each other on occasional weekends and Hayden has already experimented with the Skype Bedtime Story, and approves. Anyway, we will be just 45 minutes away, thanks to the KTX. I've decided to do one more contract in Korea and then - before Hayden gets too old - we'll make a more permanent move. My big plans for the upcoming year involve starting a Pee-H-Dee but I'm not sure yet if that will happen in Australia or England or Canada - so the future is bright, but hazy. Maybe that's how it should be.

So, now that a compromise has been reached (i.e I'm allowed to leave Daejeon but will stay in Korea) things are going just swimmingly. For those of you with irreconcilable angst in your relationships, I highly recommend separating. Things are much less stressful around here these days and I find myself blithely saying things like: "Whatever! Keep throwing your scraps in the sink instead of the food garbage! See how you and the bugs get a long in your new flat!"

And we laugh.



Or Mister Lee will see me searching for a receipt so I can return light bulbs that I bought in the wrong size (again) and he doesn't yell at me and call me an idiot. He just says "Ya! wait until you are alone and you don't have me to translate into Korean for you at the service counter. See how you get along then"

And he laughs. And I poke him in the eye.

Right. So there you Naver it. Life is just fine.

Coming next. Why I'm not ashamed to be "ambitious". Or, maybe, why Black Adder is the best show in the world. Or maybe, why Facebook is evil. I haven't decided.

Stay tuned.

MP3: Teddybears Stockholm (feat. Paola) - yours to keep
MP3: Interpol - evil
MP3: Mountain Goats - downtown seoul
MP3: My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult - lick my boots

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Meltinggggggg ....

See this is what I worried about when decided to move to Daejeon! The f*ing heat in the summer. It's SO HOT I'M GOING TO MELT!

Just in case you don't believe me, let me remind you that I hail from a landmass where 26 degrees is A REALLY WARM DAY. And the humidity never goes over 39%. Also, I've spent 7 of my 10 Korean years living in coastal cities just minutes away from the ocean. Ocean matters, friends. It matters.

Yesterday (only 31 degrees with humidity of 71%) I looked out the window and saw white fluffy clouds spinning through the sky, and the trees were bending and swaying in the wind so I - stupid idiot air conditioned optimist that I am - thought: "hey, the wind is blowing! Looks like a nice day. I can walk to the supermarket". Riiiiiiggghhhht. It was windy alright - but it felt like I was standing in front of a super sonic hair dryer set to "kill". Seriously. Hot wind??? That's about as wrong as dippin' dots or warm orange juice.

Nuh-uh. I'm not going outside again until I move next month. And you want to know where Hayden and I are moving?? NOT THE MIDDLE EAST! I hear they have some heat over there. I can't tell you where I'm moving because I haven't signed the contract yet. But I will soon. Soon my non-tenured soul will be contractually bound to an academic institution [possibly] near you. And it will be autumn - my favourite season. Good times ahead.



Here's a video of Hayden learning to count. See that smile? That impromptu hug she gives me? That's worth a million dollars, true story.

Stay tuned!

MP3: Frightened Rabbit - backwards walk

Outte
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Sneaky Pollyanna ...

One thing that I'm really going to miss about living with the Illustrious Mister is the small maintenance stuff he does with with Hayden. He doesn't spend nearly as much time with her as I do, but the things he does - coincidentally - are often the very things that I dislike doing. Like teeth brushing. Not my own, I mean Hayden's.

I'm much better at rolling out blankets and sitting in the grass, or reading story books and dancing to You Tube videos. I'm not very motivated to do teeth washing and face brushing, as my dad would term it. Dong Jin worries that when we move away I will forget to feed her, or that I'll just let her run around in her diapers and pajamas all the time. Heh. Case in point.

Damn zoom lens.

This snippet has been brought to you by Sleepless Nights and Mucho Worry. Oh well. We'll be fine. Rawk on.

MP3: Little Jackie - the whole world should revolve around me

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Edit: Hey! I clicked on that first image to enlarge it and saw that That's ME in the mirror! And those cruddy spots on the tile floor won't come off! Honest! And that machine on the right is a RICEMAKER and the thing above it is my perfect wine rack. Thank you for visiting.

Tournament of Hearts - Weakerthans

I was meandering through the internet(s) looking for a video for this week and I found it! Tip of the hat to Kofi's hat for this perfect fit. I loved Propagandhi a thousand years ago when I was an undergrad, and I've loved The Weakerthans since I first heard them in Halifax, way back when I was (a very cute:) 24. In fact it's impossible for me to listen to them without also remembering the big things that were happening in my life at that time - and the smaller associations that tend to cling to those big memories. So, strange as it may seem, the Weakerthans remind me of bagels, cheddar cheese, Clancy's beer, futons, difficult decisions and winter air. And, of course, Canada.

So Happy belated Canada Day! And enjoy the video. Mmmmm.... bagels ..... and curling ....



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Saesangae/LOL moment

Today I saw Hayden running around with a little glass figurine in her hands. She knows she shouldn't have it. I immediately said "Hayden Violet! Stop!" She stopped. And then I said "PUT. THAT. BACK."

And she ran over to me and tried to put the little doll on my back.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that her Korean is much better than her English these days.

Have I mentioned - I LOVE MY CHILD!!!

MP3: The Broken West - perfect games

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I'm just having a moment here ...

“I've never been to New Zealand before. But one of my role models, Xena, the warrior princess, comes from there.” Madeleine Albright

Rightly or wrongly, like most people, I have different categories and compartments for the roles I play. I define myself - roughly - this is not an exact science - in the following ways:

Human (flawed, happy, striving)
Woman (mother, daughter, sister, feminist)
Canadian (expat, East Coaster, Newfoundlander)

Now, notice anything conspicuous?? Something missing from the woman category? Like maybe wife? Seriously, when I peer into my own head and shuffle and rearrange the identity cards - I never come across a wife label. Now that I think about it, even when I was kid and prone to conjuring elaborate fantasies and dreams which, as an imaginative child and a carnivorous reader, I had no problems with - I NEVER dreamed of being a *wife* or of having a wedding with, say, a white dress or - gak - flowers. Even as a fickle child, or a reckless teenager, I knew that that wasn't my interest or my thing. Sort of like ... baseball games or soap carving. It just never held any interest for me.

SO it should come as no surprise to anyone that I am now experiencing trouble incorporating this new WIFEY role into my life. My life with a KOREAN MAN, I should add. These two issues - my disinterest in playing the wife role combined with Dong Jin's very deeply ingrained expectations of what a wife is and does - are currently at odds with each other and they're battling it out on the domestic front. It's not always loud but it involves a lot of pursed lips and sighs and aaiieechs. And sinking stomachs and resentful glares. And the occasional slamming of empty rice makers. Oops. Watch your fingers!

Now, I'm not saying that I have never been interested in being a partner. Or that I never do things for my husband. I actually like to tidy and clean. I like to make people happy. I'm not cold. But - light bulb moment - I don't want to have to do cooky and cleany shit just because I'm a woman. And I don't feel that my husband should get away with doing less than me just because he's a man. Also, if I feel like crap, or if I'm sick, or if I'm pissed off, or if it's 34 degrees outside and I've been up all night with a sick baby, then I feel like I have an almost political right to protest by halting my domestic services, kicking up my heels and having a beer and bibimbap for supper. I do. I think that's ok. Occasionally. But the fact that I feel this way - and the fact that that I dare to defend it publicly - is something of a cultural trait.

The thing about Mister Lee is that he believes a 'good wife' is a women who provides selfless, hardworking service all the time - even if she's sick or tired - or being berated or beaten or unappreciated. It's closely related to the verb "jakhada" in Korean and it involves total unconditional, cheerful (or just silent) service even when - or perhaps even especially when - that service is most difficult and unappreciated. He does not, as he likes to point out, tell me that I should do these things - I make my own choices. But he does let me know that by refusing to participate in this System, I am failing to be a good wife. And, you know, the fact that he feels this way - even though he's too modern to admit it publicly - is also a cultural trait.

It's all "very Confucian, dah-ling", as one of my New Zealand friends would say, with a laugh. And sometimes it IS funny. During our peaceful moments we laugh at the oddity of our situation: he is, he claims, and I believe him, an excellent husband by Korean standards: he does not beat me, he rarely drinks or smokes, he studies hard and he spends free time with Hayden. He sometimes cooks and cleans and he doesn't usually get upset when I spend time with friends. He remembers my birthday. He knows that I like weird movies and funny English t-shirts. Nice man, right?

And I am, I claim, a good wife by Canadian standards. I work several jobs at any given time - while studying - and I clean, I shop, I do most of the childcare (picking up, dropping off, cooking for, feeding, bathing, reading, wiping, tending, soothing, teaching, etc), I socialize very rarely and I have learned to not complain too much about what I perceive to be the inefficiency or rudeness of my adopted countrymen and my in laws. I cook Korean food, I study Korean, I've LIVED in Korea for 10 years and I spend most of my free waking moments thinking about how I can make life better for everyone. I no longer complain about stomach cramps or broken fingernails. Good wife, no?

So. We've obviously both made sacrifices and compromises but all our compromises do is shift our positions a little to the left. I end up being - by Canadian standards - a somewhat passive and fermented wife. And he - by Korean standards - is an attentive and modern husband. But, you know, he's not Canadian and I'm not Korean. Most of the time I actually think he's a bit of a tyrant who likes to yell and throw tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. And he thinks I'm a princess who is afraid to get her hands dirty and doesn't know how to have a good old fashioned fight.We obviously didn't do the math before we got married and the simmering resentment is comical. Sometimes. Almost.

So, we're broke and we resent each other! Back to where I left off in my last big post - we kinda think that we like each other much better from far away and that distance really could make the heart grow fonder. But not too much distance, apparently. I've recently been confronted with a lot of resistance to my plan to move away and have been facing new pressure to stay in Korea. Like everyone was agreeable and accepting for 5 or 6 months but just suddenly realized that me leaving the country meant *gasp* that I wouldn't actually be here. Groan.

And that will be my next post: details on the Let's Keep Melissa In Korea Campaign. And information on how you too can join. Excitement and drama on the home front! Stay tuned. Now I'm off to the market.

Have some songs:

MP3: Tilly and the Wall - pot kettle black
MP3: Langhorne Slim - rebel side of heaven
MP3: Okkyung Lee - sky

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It's Thursday and i'm in love ...

... with Mates of State. And I invite you all to join me. Here is a song and a video from their new album Re-arrange. I bought it and so should you!~




MP3: Mates of State - get better

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